Fun With Akatsuki
by MusicxCuresxThexSoul
Summary: You know, the usual. Pick on Akatsuki members, get a laugh outta it! Also, Kimi, from my other story, is with them! Have fun, and tell me if this is funneh!
1. Are they twins?

**Me: Just the usual crackfic. I got this inspiration from a dream! XP**

**Trev: I don't want to know what it was about-shivers-**

**Me: I'll tell you anyway! Ok, see. Here I was, in a dream. It was actually like I was a single audience member for a show. Well, I was just standing there unnoticed in a living room of some sorts, WITH THE SOME AKATSUKI MEMBERS SITTING ON A COUCH!! Of course I was happy! I tried getting their attention when suddenly(oh yeah, black is me):**

Deidara ran down the stairs, mad with rage. He looked for a certain raven haired man. He found him; he was holding the remote, flipping through the channels, bored. He growled.

"I-ta-chi!" the said member looked at him with bored eyes. Though there was a hint mischievousness in them.

"Yes, Deidara?" he asked innocently. Deidara growled and threw a magazine onto the table. The cover for all to see. **I laughed when I saw it. **Some of the Akatsuki members snickered, while some full out laughed. Itachi smirked when he saw the magazine that the blond had thrown down.

"Do you care to explain _this, _yeah?" he hissed through clenched teeth. The cover, had him on it, along with a girl who looked like him, only difference was: the person beside him on the cover was a girl. **I once again laughed. This has to be good. Damn, I wish I could get some cotton candy right about now! **The cover read:

Deidara and Ino: Possibly twins? Find out, on page 23

Deidara opened the mag. To the said number and read aloud:

"People have probably noticed that Ino Yamanaka and Deidara of Iwagakure, have looked much alike. The only difference? The gender! Ino, a teen girl from Konoha, and Deidara, a teen boy raised in Iwa. However, these similarities have brought up recent questions that NEEDED to be answered! So I took it upon myself to research the two. The results seem Positive. Ino and Deidara are more then likely twins, split at birth and raised in different towns. However, now we just need to answer: Why were they split up? Well, stay tuned for our next session in:

ARE! THEY! SIBS!! **I stared at the title. Surely Itachi could come up with something better then that! However, I just shrugged and returned to the comedy before me. I then snapped my fingers!**

"Itachi, I. Do. NOT. Fuckin. Look. Like. That. Girl, yeah!!" Itachi rolled his eyes in response.

"Come on Deidara, we both know you guys look more alike, and act alike for you guys NOT to be related!" Deidara glared and suddenly disappeared. **I blinked. I decided to follow him with my super human speed!! **Deidara was heading toward Konoha, and as soon as he got to the gates he rushed past the guards, who protested, and headed toward a certain flower shop. Of course, shinobi who saw him immediately started to attack but he paid them no heed. He finally arrived at the shop and stalked inside. He saw Ino's face light up with surprise and recognition.

"Hey! I remember you! You tried to kidnap Naruto once, right?" Deidara didn't say anything but instead grabbed her arm and dragged her outside. Of course Ino protested. **I laughed with Deidara was suddenly being hit and scratched. He didn't even look fazed!** Ino's team and the rest of the Rookie Nine stepped in front of him.

"Hey! What are you doing with Ino!" Sakura yelled. Then she remembered him. "Hey! Aren't you the one who tried to kidnap Naruto!" Deidara's eye ticked. He put Ino by his side and motioned between them.

"You're a girl, obviously, yeah." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Obviously."

"Now, can you answer this one simple fucking question, yeah?" They waited and Sakura nodded. "DOES THIS GIRL AND I REALLY LOOK THAT MUCH FUCKING ALIKE GOD DAMNIT!!" he screamed. Ino looked up in shock.

"We do NOT look al-" he shoved the magazine in her face. She growled with rage.

"WHO THE FUCKING HELL! NO WAY ARE WE TWINS!! Our hairstyle isn't THAT much alike!!" Deidara and Ino started agreeing and yelling about how they don't look or act alike. **I sweat dropped. They were acting like sibs right now…** Everyone sweat dropped. Kakashi stepped forward. However, Ino and Deidara didn't look at him. Sakura coughed. They STILL didn't shut up. **I shivered. Ok, this gal is now flat out growling…**Sakura growled, eyes ticking.

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP"** she screamed. Ino and Deidara close their mouths and look at Sakura, fearfully. Sakura smiled and everyone took a step back. **I sweat dropped. Damn, Sakura can be scary…**"Now…Why have you come to ask that question…erm…?" Deidara growled.

"Deidara. My fucking name is Deidara…AND NOW! THIS is the reason I came here to really see if we look so much alike, yeah." He grabbed the magazine out of his cloak and threw it at the pink haired girl. "Go to page23, yeah." Sakura did so, and read the paragraph aloud. At the end, she was snickering and everyone else was full out laughing. Ino and Deidara glared. It was NOT funneh…

"**STOP LAUGHING DAMNIT!!**" they both screamed at the same time. "We, are NOT twins!" suddenly, Ino's mom and father appeared, holding something and looking sheepish.

"Hey, dear. Guess what? We have now just figured out that you have a twin named Deidara! Yeah, we don't know HOW you guys got split up though…erm, yeah!" they looked at Deidara, who was standing next to Ino. Both were pale, and sweating. "Who are you?" asked Ino's mom.

"D-D-Dei-Deidara…" the bomber replied, shakily. Everyone, besides Ino's parents, Deidara, and Ino were now laughing at the irony.

"OH MAN! It looks like you both are twins after all!" Naruto yelled out. Ino's mom clapped her hands together.

"Oh good! Deidara! We're sorry for splitting you guys up! Honestly, we don't know what happened! And we promise to make up for all the family time that we missed. And we'll get your hair fixed too!" she kept going on and on about family time and didn't notice Deidara had left. **I was still laughing on the ground. Seriously, who would expect that Deidara and Ino really WERE twins?!**

Deidara slammed into the Akatsuki mansion and growled when Itachi smirked.

"I saw and heard the whole thing. How's it feel to be a twin?" Deidara lunged up at him, and Itachi just dodged and laughed walking up the stairs holding a camera. "You bet I'm making this into a video! Now the whole Akatsuki can watch as you learn who you are!" he laughed and Deidara glared at the wall. He needed to vent his anger out…Suddenly he got an idea and an evil smirk spread across his face.

"Tobi! Kimi! Would you guys like to help me with something, yeah?"

**I woke up. DAMN IT!! And here I was, having an awesome dream! I glared at the alarm clock. Why did men create such annoying creatures?**

**Trev:…You're fucked up in the head, ya know?**

**Me: YEP!! Aren't you proud?**

**Bri: Wow…good story! Wish I could be in it!!**

**Me: You can, next time!! This is a story dedicated to the life of Akatsuki and Kimi! All their funny adventures!! YAYS!!**

**Bri: YAYS!!**


	2. Akatsuki Horror!

**Me: YAYS! Two reviews on the day I put it out!! AND! One of our readers wants to be in the story!! SOOOOO!! Say high to!**

**Bri: KimiluvsYunYun!!**

**KLY: HI!!**

**Me: HELLOS!! Ok, so since Kimi-chan is gonna join us, we're gonna do this differently!**

**Bri: Huh? How?**

**Me: Well, you, Kimi-chan, and I are gonna enter the story randomly and help/annoy/torture/whatever you want to do to the characters!! **

**KLY: Awesome! Sounds fun!**

**Me: Yep! So you can cause pain to whoever you want!!**

**KLY: -grins evilly- AWESOME!! So what are we waiting for?**

**Me: For…Deidara to do the dissy! I forgot this in the last chappie! -rubs head sheepishly-**

**Deidara: -poofs in- Not this shit again! Didn't you torture us enough in TD??**

**Me:…NOPE! So get to it! The dissy!!**

**Dei: -sighs- The crazy chick doing the peace sign and grinning evilly does not own any of the Naruto characters. She only owns her OCs…I fear for our safety and sanity in this chapter…**

**Bri: YAYS! Now you better get, Dei, otherwise our friends might get whiff of you here!**

**Dei: O.O -gets away-**

**Me: Will you do the honors, Kimi-chan?**

**KLY: Sure! LET THE STORY, and hilarious torture, BEGIN!!**

Kimi sighed as she sat on the couch. She was bored. She had nothing to do. She hadn't even heard Tobi scream in pain from Deidara or Itachi scream from being scarred by her or anyone else…She sighed again. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above her head.

"I got it!!" an evil grin appeared above her head as she thought of what she was gonna do. She went into her room of doom to plan the perfect Prank of Horrors!!

**WITH DEIDARA, ITACHI, AND KISAME:**

"So that's the plan? To get back at Kimi, un?" asked Deidara. He was dressed in all black(it's night) Itachi nodded.

"It would be easier if we had four members, but we can't find Tobi anywhere! I wonder where he is?"

**WITH TOBI, HIDAN, AND PAIN:**

"So, we're gonna prank all the others? How are we gonna get Kimi, Tobi?" asked Pain? He went along with the idea because he wanted revenge on all the people who had gotten him…

"Don't worry! You have me!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's a huge fucking reassurance…" muttered Hidan. Tobi ignored him and went over his plan…

**WITH KONAN, KIMI, SASORI, AND KAKUZU:**

"Kimi, how on EARTH, is this going to work? I really don't think Itachi will fall for this!" said Kakuzu. He was looking over their blueprints and the notes and had doubts.

"Don't worry! This is not just a prank. We're gonna scar them mentally for life!! BWUHAHAHAHAHA!!" the members with her shivered. Her evil laugh can REALLY be scary…and evil…

**OTHER MEMBERS:**

They shivered as they heard an evil laugh. They had a feeling their was gonna be a Prank Showdown. More challenging then fighting….

**WITH ZETSU:**

Zetsu shivered as he pushed the shopping cart down the aisle. He had a feeling that when he got back from his personal mission, the mansion was gonna be a mess. He grinned as he picked up some fertilizer. Some food for his babies.

**SOMEWHERE UNKNOWN:**

"So, Bri. You mess with Kimi, Konan, Sasori, and Kakuzu. Kay?" she nodded. "Kimi-chan, you mess with Pain, Tobi, and Hidan?" a feral grin crossed her face. "And I'll mess with Deidara, Itachi, and Kisame! Ok, get into positions, peoplz! I'll have Sam, Trev, Taylor, and Jake stall Zetsu if he comes home early!" four groans came from the four mentioned peoplz. The three torturers grinned and disappeared.

**AT THE BASE:**

Everything was silent…TOO silent. A flash of lightening flashed and lit up a room where a figure could be seen putting stuff on the floor. It grew dark again for several minutes. She almost slipped, but got her balance and grinned. Oh yes, this was gonna be BIG. She jumped when a sound of thunder boomed, and lightening came soon after. It lit, to find the room have several strings cross the room, a bucket above one door full of stuff unknown, even to her. Syrup, glue, paint, and soda was found on the floor, making it slippery. A string attached from the door to a can of marbles on the other side of them room so they would fall to the floor when the door opened. Peanut butter was spread over the doorknob on the door on the inside, so it would be hard to get out. The figure reached for the final touch, a speaker that would sound loudly when the marbles fell. She went to put it where it belonged only to see it gone. She cursed. Now they couldn't surprise the victim who came in here! She sighed with frustration and quickly went out the room. She didn't see the other figure in there smile and then held up the speaker to put it where SHE thought it should go!

In other room, you could see three figures snicker as they put the final touch into the room. They couldn't get into Kimi's room, but who cares. This was the second place she was seen mostly at. One figure jumped with the thunder and lightning and another snickered.

"Scared of thunderstorms, Kisame?" the figure who jumped, Kisame, shook his head.

"No! But I could've sworn I saw someone not in Akatsuki run across the room! Hey, Itachi? Are you afraid of clowns?" All three frowned when they suddenly saw a flash of pale skin, red hair, and a grinning face that screamed evil itself. They screamed LOUDLY like girls and ran. The "clown" snickered and pulled down the mask, revealing blond hair and blues eyes.

"Score! I knew that a little research would be awesome!" she snickered before putting the mask back on. She brandished a fake, plastic knife with fake blood on it. She snickered again quietly to herself and followed the still screaming trio.

Pain sighed softly to himself. Why couldn't Tobi do this? Why did HE have to do this? He sighed again and grinned at his handiwork. Deidara will certainly be pissed. He looked over to where Hidan was working on Sasori's side of the room. He wasn't sure if they should do this to the poor artists, but they shrugged. If should be funneh to see their reactions. Now, if only-He froze when he saw something flash and then he was knocked from his ladder. He cried out and then righted himself before he fell. He didn't know what had happened, but he was POSITIVE something pushed him. He froze when Hidan screamed. Hidan? SCREAMING? Now THAT was something he hadn't heard. He turned around and saw Hidan pale. He pointed to behind Pain.

"B-B-Behind you! IT'S A FUCKING GHOST!!" Pain rolled his eyes and turned around. He came face to face with a pale face, glowing red that wasn't the Sharingan, and pale hair. The girl started singing in a soft tone:

"Lalalalala, lalalalala, lala, lalala, lalalalala." he screamed and ran. Hidan followed suit and soon everyone in the base could hear evil laughter.

Konan shivered. She smirked, however, when she taped the final picture in Pain's room. Of course, only she could get away with this, which is why she was given the task. She saw something flash in the low lighting of the room. The power was out, but Pain ALWAYS had candles lit. It irritated Kakuzu because he was always buying-

Zetsu sighed as he stopped by the candle section. What is it with Pain and candles? He sighed and looked at the list. Tropical scented candles? They had those? He saw the candles and was about to reach for them when he heard someone cough behind him.

"Um, excuse me, sir? I head you had a bug problem with your house. Would you like some bug spray?" Zetsu shook his head.

"No thank you** bitch! Don't you see I already have enough problems!** Erm, sorry about that. But no, thanks. I assure you, we don't have a bug problem** with our fucking house!"** The girl flinched, but was determined to stall him!

"O-oh. I see…so, no bug spray, huh?" suddenly, someone busted through the wall. It was…SHINO!!

"NO FUCKING BUG SPRAY! YOU FUCKING BUG KILLER! HOE DARE YOU TRY TO BUY THIS VILE STUFF! I SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL!!" suddenly, he started killing all the….bug spray!! After all the bug killers were gone, did Shino leave. This took a total of 20 minutes…Zetsu and Tay blinked. Wow. Who knew Shino could be so violent??

"ANYWAY! Mr. Er, um, Mister! Would you like some shit. WOULDYOULIKESOMEWEEDKILLERMRPLANTMANSIR!!(Translation: Would you like some weed killer Mr. Plant Man Sir?" Zetsu blinked. What the hell did this crazy chick just say? So he asked.

"**What** did you** fucking say, bitch?"** Tay twitched at the comment but didn't say anything about it. However…

"You figure it out. Plant Man. Fucking call me a fucking bitch…" she muttered to herself. Zetsu blinked. Did this girl just call him?

"**OH HELL NAW! YOU GOING DOWN, BITCH!** Sorry. Excuse my other side. Now, could you care to repeat what you said earlier? I didn't catch it."

"I SAID, if you would get the wax out of your ears, Would. You. Like. Some. Weed. Killer. Mr. Plant. Man. Sir?! It seems as if you need some so we'll give it to you free!" she shouted at Zetsu. The said man twitched. Mr. Plant Man?

"OK! SOMEONE IS GONNA DIE NOW!!" he lunged toward Tay who screamed and ran the other way. Now, Zetsu didn't go after her. He'd just track her down and kill her later. He turned around to get the candles but realized they were all gone. "But they. When she. What the. **GOD DAMNIT!!"** he screamed.

A figure was walking through the Akatsuki base searching for her three victims. She shrugged when she heard Zetsu's scream. He must be getting pissed, she thought. A flash of lightening revealed KLY walking, still looking like a ghost. She had Hidan's scythe, which he had forgotten in him running in terror. She smiled evilly when she saw a familiar orange mask. Quickly changing into a henge, she looked exactly like Hidan. She walked near Tobi, and saw him look at her.

"Huh? Oh, hey, Hidan-chan! Did you and Pain get Sasori and Deidara-sempai's room done? I bet you guys did! Hey, was it you two that was screaming earlier? And-hey! Why are you raising your scythe?" quickly realizing what 'hidan' was doing, he screamed and ducked, nearly missing his head being chopped off. "HIDAN! WHAT THE FUCK!! AHH!" he quickly ran from the laughing maniacally 'hidan'. KLY released her henge and had a grin of evilness on.

"I'm not done yet!" she whispered.

"Deidara, what the Holy Fucking HELL did we just see?" asked Kisame. Deidara said nothing, as he was rocking back and forth on the floor. It was a bit hard to do, of course, because Itachi, Kisame, and Deidara were all in a closet together. Ooo! Think of the possibilities!! The blonder bomber who like bombing shook his head. All three stopped breathing, however, when they heard the closet doorknob click. It opened to reveal…THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY!!

"Um, yeah. That'll be 20.85 with tax." he said in a bored tone as if he had never seen three guys in a small closet before. Itachi snapped his fingers.

"Oh yeah! Ok, is that 6 pizzas, one with sardines and sushi?" the delivery guy shivered at that. He then nodded, and Itachi dug into his pockets for money. It was then that a certain terrorizer walked up.

"Mmm! Is that a Supreme Pizza!" she asked. The delivery guy nodded and she ripped off her clown mask to reveal…no one! Dust appeared and all the pizza, besides the sushi one, was gone. Itachi's eyes watered as he fell on the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I WILL GET YOU BACK YOU EVIL LITTLE CLOWN WHO STOLE MY PIZZAS!!" Itachi then got a murderous glint in his eyes. He turned toward Kisame and Deidara who were staring at him. "Come on. We're going on a clown hunt!" he growled. Deidara and Kisame shivered. They did NOT like clowns. Not ay ALL…And now they were chasing one!? Jeez, they must be high or something…

Bri grinned as she, Jess, and KLY were eating pizza in the kitchen.

"Wow! This is good! Good thing Ita-chan ordered for us!" exclaimed Jess. Kimi-chan nodded.

"Yes. Any of you guys succeed in scaring the crap outta your victims?" Jess nodded.

"Yeah. How about you Bri?" she shrugged, then grinned.

"I'm taking it slow. I'm gonna freak them out first, then slowly make them think they're going insane, and them end in in a twist!" the three laughed evilly. Oh yes. This was SO worth the torture they would most likely receive later…They snickered as they went over their plans.

"It's to funny! The great Itachi, Kisame, and Deidara are afraid of CLOWNS!! I wonder if they've watched It? Anywayz. I'm going after a different tactic. Itachi is coming after ME, so I decided to leave some…traps for them." Kimi nodded.

"Yeah. I'm doing that with my group. Except I might let them see a flash of me, just to mess with them. I'm pretty sure they've gotten together and Tobi is either giving Hidan hell, but I don't hear them. So he must be hiding from Hidan." Jess nodded. She looked at Bri.

"Eh. I'm slowly gonna mess with their minds, make them think they're going insane. Then, I'll start showing myself after a while." All three girls dug into their pizza and raised their glasses filled with their favorite pop. They then ate the cotton candy Jess found in the Akatsuki mansion. Someone was gonna leave this night scarred, and it wasn't gonna be the three tormenters! XD

Bri stalked down the hallways, making sure she wasn't seen. She saw Sasori and Kakuzu talking about stuff while they were walking toward Tobi's room, their arms full of stuff. She stalked them until they got into the man's room. She waited until they got inside before she closed the door. She heard them thumping against it and smirked to herself. She unlocked the door and disappeared. Kakuzu and Sasori stumbled out of the door and looked around and didn't sense any chakra leftover. Sasori shivered. This was getting creepy. The screams, not seeing any other members, not hearing from Kimi or Konan. Something was going on.

Jess laughed to herself. She suddenly heard her trio of victims and jumped out of view. She became invisible and clung to the ceiling and watched the movie. Itachi took another step before suddenly being flung upside down. He missed the leaves covering the trap…Deidara and Kisame, not noticing where they were going, walked on, but stopped when they heard growling. They turned around and saw a HUGE dog, that drooled and showed fangs.

"G-god doggie, y-yeah!" whispered Deidara. That upsetted Sweetie even more, and she lunged at a certain…jewel. A scream of pain filled the base and Jess snickered to herself. Of course, Deidara would be ok. Aren't they always? He'll just be sore and won't be able to walk for a month. After all, if you're bit by Sweetie…well…let's just thank God that she's nice! XD

KLY was walking through the halls. She had just met Konan a while back and said that she and the others got separated. She shrugged. The worst that could happen was they would be found by any of the other embers, right? WRONG. She has had this idea that someone was falling her. Every time she reached for an object, it wouldn't be there. She thought it was the other members at first, but didn't find an ounce of their chakra leftover. Maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her? Probably…

Hidan gasped for breath. He and Pain got separated a while ago, and now he was being chased by someone who WAS FLOATING OFF THE FLOOR. He looked over his shoulder. No one was behind him. He smiled and took a step only to into a room.

"What the fucking hell? I was walking down the hallway, not into a room!" he yelled. He turned around only to find himself walking into a wall. He rubbed his head and glared at the wall. Now this as getting fucking annoying! He looked around and saw no door. There was, however, a TV and a chair. He shrugged. He sat down and flicked the TV on. Immediately, metal bands wrapped around his wrists and feet. He screamed. The TV flickered and he saw something SO horrible, it would put the torturous videos of Pain's Barney videos to shame. It was…Dora The Explorer!! He screamed with fear as Dora began her journey to…uh…a stranger's house!! Yeah, a stranger that will rule the world with the power of the Knowledgeable MAP!!

"SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!! AHHHH! HER SINGING IS ANNOYING!! YOU CAN"T SING!! AHHH! MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING! JASHIN-SAMA HELP ME!!" his screaming was so loud, even Konoha heard his pleas for help and shuddered. Whoever was being tortured, was being inflicted pain like no other…

Bri, Jess, and KLY snickered when Hidan screamed from Dora's show. They were having a meeting again, only it was in Pain's room. Seriously, not only was his bed comfy, but they could grab some stuff and then sell it for some monneh. He has fan girls, ya know…

"Ok, we need to wrap this up! It's been fun and all but I know that Tay, Trev, Sam, and Jake can't hold Zetsu forever. It's already 1 in the morning and we have to go!" said Jess, munching on cotton candy. The two with her nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I'm finished messing with my victims minds. Now we need to scare them. Or inflict serious pain on them!" Bri's eyes turned wild. Jess shook her head.

"You're crazy, gal. But yes, now, we need to scar them mentally for life! I'm going back to evil clown phase. Only, I'm maximizing the scariness on it. Maybe go totally 'It'?" Jess snickered.

"Yeah, and Pain and Tobi needs to be scared more! Totally, however, pushing him from a ladder won't do. Not at all! I'm gonna go 'Children In the Corn' TOTALLY!! WOO!" she jumped up, punching the air with her fists. Jess and Bri grinned. Time for the finale.

Sasori, Kakuzu, Kimi, and Konan had gathered together and spoke of their personal happenings.

"-And when I turned around, the can of Peanut Butter IN MY HAND, was gone! I can't explain it! And all the screams! The fear, the anger! We're fucking HAUNTED, dudes!" exclaimed Kimi. Konan shook her head yes.

"I don't agree with the being haunted, but something IS going on. The candles that Pain had lit all blew out. No wind, no water, nobody else to blow them out. All at once. The flames disappearing like ice cream when a five year old eats it!" Konan said. Sasori and Kakuzu nodded, not saying anything about their mishaps though. Suddenly, the door to the room blew open, no one there. Kimi shuddered and walked to the door and tried to close it. Keyword: Tried. It just wouldn't budge.

"Sasori, Konan, Kakuzu, give me a hand, would ya?" she shoved against the door, and even with the other three's hand it wouldn't budge. Suddenly, a figure appeared in the room. The figure was dressed up as a werewolf, and she howled with glee when she saw surprise(and a little fear) on their faces.

"Ok, who the hell are you?" Bri just growled and brandished a fake knife, however the four in front of her didn't. They opened their eyes, forgot they were ninja with weapons, and hightailed it outta there. Bri stood there. She was hoping they would attack her, but all plans must go wrong somehow. She shrugged and followed them, howling like a wolf.

Jess heard the howling and saw four figures running her way. She was currently torturing Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi(all three are tied up) by painting their nails, putting their hair up, and putting make up on. Well, Jess thought it was fun, but to the guys…let's just say they never knew how many uses there was for make up until now… She smiled when they ran past and saw Bri chase after them. They both gave the peace sign to each other. She untied the three and whipped out her fake knife. Of course, the three had already left so they didn't see the fake weapon. All they knew was that they had to leave this place. They followed Kimi, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Konan down the hallway. However, they ended up in a dead end. They cursed and retraced their steps. This mansion wasn't as confusing before this! So why now?

TLY had henged herself to look like a child who looked pale, almost sickly, but then again not. You could almost see through her, and she had clothes on that seemed worn, but not so, but still. She henged herself so that she looked like she had been dead for a while now. She smirked.

"It's time to plaaaaaaay!" she called out. She heard her three victims cry out and went toward the source. No way was she letting them get out of her site again! She walked until she reached a door. She opened it and saw…a bare room. She smirked. She saw them and headed toward them when a beep sounded out. She looked at her watch and grinned. Guess less time to mess with minds, more time to torture them! With?? FAIRY TALES!! She quickly tied them up and began with Bambi…

**ZETSU:**

Seriously, Zetsu was getting EXTREMLY pissed, which was not good because even his light side was curing the four kids who delayed him. Upsetting a man who eats peoplz is NOT a good thing to do…or fun, unless you're Jessica W….Getting off point here! Four brats had been delaying him from getting to the base. Wait…The BASE! They were delaying him on purpose! He suddenly disappeared and reappeared at the entrance. He went inside and what he saw shocked him. Hidan was rocking back and forth, saying,

"please don't make me watch it. Please don't make me watch anymore!" and repeated it over. The living room was a mess, the couch tipped over, and Pain was in it, holding a pan.

"Come near me, I'll fucking SLICE YOUS!" he yelled. He was staring at the wall, not even noticing what was going on. Screams could be heard down the hall and he saw Kisame, Deidara, and Itachi being crazy. Seriously, because they were all like,

"haha! Run, run, as fact as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the ginger…erm…something, something! hahahaha!!" shouted Kisame. Itachi was sucking his thumb, and hiding behind Deidara who was laughing. Just laughing, only his eye twitching. Zetsu stood shocked and turned around when Konan and Kimi came running down the hall.

"WE'RE GONNA BE BAKED ALIVE BY WEREWOLF GIRL!!" as if THAT didn't sound crazy enough, Kakuzu was in the other room, mumbling,

"Money isn't everything. No, no at all. What matters, is PINK! Yesh! Pink is the ruler of all. Bow down to it's greatness!" Sasori was seen, walking zombie like. Not noticing anyone he just walked with no expression. Actually, Zetsu did hear something.

"No, Ms. Wolfly! It's SUBDAY! Eat Flesh1 Not SUBWAY! Eat fresh!" Zetsu wondered what the hell had gone here. He didn't see Tobi. Wonder where he was… He walked into the kitchen and saw three ordinary girls eating cotton candy and giving each other a high five. Zetsu blinked.

"Um, do you know where Tobi is, ladies? **And what the fucking hell are you doing here?"** He asked. The girls looked at each other.

"Um, Tobi? Oh yeah! Tobi is um…in the pantry." said one of the girls. Zetsu blinked. The pantry? He heard thumping noises and he rushed to the pantry door to see Tobi tied up, an apple in his mouth, in one hand he held a bag of cotton candy, the other, was a can of Coke Cola. He quickly untied Tobi and got the stuff away from Tobi and noticed a sign on his back.

Haha suckerz!!

And below that was a chibi drawing of three girls and a peace sign. Zetsu sighed. Akatsuki better not let anybody know they were defeated by three girls who liked to mess with the Akatsuki. Wait a minute. He narrowed his eyes. He knew who these girls were…He slapped his head. No wonder they were acting crazy right now!!

**Me: I have to end it at that. Whoa, we are evil…**

**Sam: -bruises on his head and body- NO FUCKING KIDDIN! TAY AND I ALMOST FUCKIN GOT EATIN BY ZETSU!!**

**Me:…then you should've been quicker! Anyway! Ya gotta give props to Kimi-chan! She helped, after all!**

**KLY: Thank you for letting me be on the show!**

**Bri: Yesh!! The show where you get to do whatever you want!! **

**Me: Yesh!! Now, please leave a review!! And tell us about this one! I think we over did it with the clown stuff…**

**Jake:…clowns? CLOWNS! OH HOLY MOTHER OD PEARL! GET THEM AWAY!!**

**Me:…He was forced to watch It…I don't see what's so scary. Just a clown who murders peoplz…**

**Jake: -glares-………**

**Me: Whatev! Anyway, Kimi-chan, will you do the review?**

**KLY: Yes! Please review and tell everyone what you think!!**

**Bri:…Man, can we go to bed now? It's 2 in the morn…**

**Me: Yeah…anyway! GOOD NIGHT…er…MORNING TO EVERYONE!!**


	3. Random stuff

**Me: Hey!! Sup, peoples!!**

**Alice: You got another story out?!**

**Me: Yep!! Only this is just random, crazy, funny shit like that. Just for fun. **

**Jake: Yep!! The last chapter I thought was the best though!! Good job everyone!!**

**Sam: You're PRAISING her!! May I remind you, the crazy mind that thought up that last chapter is our dear friend who can make those things come true!!**

**Me: Yep!! Just remember, I can make it happen to YOU, remember. Now, go get me a soda!!**

**Sam: Pshh, yam can't make me do shit.**

**Me: I know you're name…**

**Sam: -pales like a ghost- Y-you w-wouldn't tell an-anyone. Y-You wouldn't even d-d-dare!!**

**Me: -smirks triumphantly- I would so!! Now, go get me a Mountain Dew!**

**Sam: -glares and gets up-**

**Me: Ah, ya gotta love blackmail!! **

**Alice: What's his real name? Samantha? **

**Me: Nope!! Worse, but you can try to guess. You'll never get it. I just heard his parents call him that when he got into trouble.**

**Sam: Yeah, blackmailer-gives Jess pop- **

**Jake: O.O Oooookaaaaay, movin on!! Who does the dissy?**

**Me: OH! OH!! I KNOW! PICK ME!! PICK ME!! Kakashi!! Yesh, Kakashi!!**

**Jake: Crap, here comes the two hour waiting!!**

**TWO HOURS LATER:**

**Kakashi: Did someone call me? **

**Me: YOSH!! YOU'RE FINALLY HERES! Will you do the dissy? Alsos, I gots an important question for you!! VERYS important!!**

**Kakashi: Ask the question firsts, I mean first. Damn it…**

**Me: -takes a deep breath-Whydoyoulookandactlikeascarecrow,huhhuh?Canyouspeakthecarecrowlanguagehuhuh?doyouknowanyscarecrowjustus?canyouteachmehowtobecomeaninja?doyouloveiruka?iknowyoudo!!everyoneknows!!whydoyoureadpo-Jake claps hand over my mouth-**

**Kakashi: -sweat drops- Erm, yeah….to every question.**

**Me: -question mark appears over head- That doesn't answer the scarecrow question, Kakashi!! Oh well!! At least you just answered the most Important question I asked!!**

**Kakashi: Oh? What was that?**

**Me: I asked if you loved Iruka, you said yeah. End of story!!**

**Kakashi: -sputters- W-WHAT!! I did not!! Y-Y-YOU TRICKED ME!!**

**Me: Yeah, yeah. Just say the dissy.**

**Kakashi: This evil, tricky, sarcastic, sadistic, evil, genius does not own Naruto characters. Only her evil stories and her evil OCs.**

**Me: Thank you for the compliments, Kakashi!! However, you must know, I'm younger then you so we cannot be. And plus, what would Iruka say? **

**Kakashi: -glares- Shut. Up. NOW. -disappears-**

**Me: -sighs- Fun while it lasted. ANYWHO!! ARE YOU READY TO PARTAY!!**

**Everyone: HELLS YEAH!!**

**Me: Goods!! Because we have another guest here today!! Give it up for!! Cat.ninja.assassin!! **

**C.N.A: appears Yes!! I can't wait to annoy people!! Mostly Deidara, though!! **

**Me: Yes! He is to fun to tease!! Now, let the story…BEGIN!!**

It was an ordinary day at the Akatsuki. Oh, who are we kiddin? It's never normal over there!!

"DEIDARA!! GIVE ME BACK MY BLOWDRYER!!" A flash or yellow went by Kimi, Hidan, Tobi, and Konan, all who were playing Twister. The whoosh of air made the twisted peoples shake a little, but they held their ground. Pain sighed as he flicked the board.

"Right hand blue, Hidan." he said.

"GOTTA CATCH ME FIRST, ITA-CHAN, YEAH!!" there was a growl sound and a flash of black whooshed by them. Once again, the structure of twisted peoples did not fall by the air force. Hidan cursed as he tried to move his arm around Tobi's leg.

"Damn it! I always get the bad spots!" he whined.

"Shut it, Hidan! At least you don't have you face in someone else's ass!! Jeez, Tobi! What did you eat!!" Kimi coughed as she tried to get the stench of yet another one of Tobi's farts out of her system.

"Tobi ate onions, Kimi-chan!! I asked if you wanted some, but Kimi-chan said No!" Kimi actually felt TEARS coming out of her eyes. A crash was heard, followed by a loud boom that shook the house. Konan, who was on top and backwards, felt her hand slip, but she didn't fall. No one did.

"DAMN IT!! I GAVE YOU BACK YOUR STINKIN BLOWDRYER!! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT, UN!?"

"YOU'RE FUCKING BLOOD, DEIDARA!! NO ONE TOUCHES MY BLOWDRYER AND GETS AWAY ALIVE!! NO ONE!! WHY DO YOU THINK I KILLED MY CLAN!! NO ONE!!" there came another loud crash and boom. Kimi sighed. No one fell. Damn it!! Why did SHE have be on the bottom?? The house shook again, and more screams were heard. A yellow flash went by them and their hair whipped to the side. Damn, Deidara was FAST. When running from an evil Itachi gone psycho. Oh look, speak of the devil and he shall come. A black figure went by them, and they STILL STAYED UP. Until a loud scream was heard and finally, the house shook more. Kimi grunted as Konan, Tobi, and Hidan all fell on top of each other. Kimi felt tears coming out of her eyes.

"Gosh. Fucking. Damn. It. Can't. Fucking. BREATHE!" she gasped with air when she felt people get off her. Suddenly, a book flew out of nowhere and smacked her in the back of the head.

"WHAT THE HELL! DID A BOOK JUST FUCKING HIT ME IN THE FACE!!" a loud, 'Ouch' was heard upstairs and suddenly, the whole upstairs crashed to the floor.

"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU DEIDARA!! YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!!" Itachi's evil laughter followed and soon, Deidara was seen hiding behind Kimi. Kimi smacked her face with her left hand. Suddenly, a loud flash appeared and Deidara jumped.

"Who the hell just poked me? Seriously, someone just poked me!!" Deidara was rubbing his side and he glared at whatever had poked him. Kimi edged away from the crazy man, only to bump into an imaginary wall and got splashed by cold water.

"Okies! Who the hell splashed me with water!! And what the fuck was that light?"

"Ya know what, fuck dis shit! I told ya'll this house was haunted. Did anybody listen? Noooo!" said Hidan as he rubbed his ribs and glared at Tobi. Hidan WAS second to top when in the tangle of human body parts, but SOMEHOW, Tobi managed to be on top of everyone, which, frankly put him as the second to bottom and he was P-I-S-S-E-D. He went to get up and go to the kitchen. Damnit, he was hungry. **(I guess being under someone-snickers- makes ya hungry-snickers again-)**

"Hey!! Who ate all the pie!!"

**SOMEWHERE ELSE:**

Two people froze and covered sneezed. In front of them was cherry pie, all but two pieces gone.

"Wow!! Whoever made that sure is a good baker, huh, Cat?"

"Yes!! It was supremely delicious!"

**BACK AT THE AKATSUKI HIDEOUT:**

Deidara gasped.

"NOOOO!! I MADE THAT PIE TO PUT IN THE PIE COMPETTION!! And I can't make another one!!" he sobs and went to go upstairs, only to figure out(again) that there WASN'T any upstairs LEFT! "Ya know what? Forget dis shit. I'm going for a walk."

"As if that run from Itachi gone Psycho wasn't enough of an exercise?" Pain muttered, but everyone heard and Deidara glared and walked out the door. Only to be poked again by and imaginary source.

"OW! What the hell! Something is poking me!!" he growled out. He then, with cautious steps, walked out the door. Suddenly a loud yell came from outside. "STOP POKING ME DAMNIT!!" Kimi giggled slightly and laughed out loud when Pain suddenly got splashed with imaginary water on the front of his jeans.

"It's looks somebody had to goooo!!" she laughed even more when he got an irritated face and frowned.

"I did NOT piss my pants. I got splashed with water by an invisible force…KAKUZU!! DID YOU HIRE THOSE IMAGINARY CLOWN NINJAS TO ANNOY US AGAIN??" A muffled voice yelled back beneath all the rumble.

"why would I do that? After the beating I got from Kimi and Itachi, who surprisingly and laughing, is afraid of clowns, do you honestly think I would do that again?" came the reply. Kimi grinned. She loved clowns…when they were bugging someone else, of course. But when it got to her, oh it's ON… Suddenly, Deidara came back in the house, drenched with water.

"Someone. Needs. To. Get. This. Whatever. It. Is. Outta. Here." he said through clenched teeth. "STOP POKING ME DAMNIT ALL!!" he burst out, and Kimi saw the fabric of his shirt dent a little when he got poked. She grinned but growled when she was suddenly hit in the face with a SHOE. Holding her forehead, she glared at everyone.

"DAMNIT!! Who the HOLY FUCKING HELL threw that shoe at me? Grrr.! It's ON BITCHES!!" giggling was heard in the room by two girls. Hidan and basically everyone shivered when they felt the playfulness from the two girls, and the anger from Kimi.

Suddenly, Itachi appeared. He looked back and forth between Deidara, and the knife-which was covered in blood, I think dried, can't REALLY tell- anywho, Deidara shivered and was about to run when he got tripped.

"I got you now, Deidara!! No one messes with my hairdryer! NO ONE!!" Deidara panicked then smirked.

"Itachi, if you kill me right now, then I got a beep that will go ofrf. It will send your address to EVERY Itachi fangirl in the ENTIRE world. There'll know where you live. Not to mention, some are boys, and some…are yaoi fangirls, and some, are Uchiha INCEST fangirls!!" Itachi paled.

"E-Every?" Deidara smirked.

"Every. Not to mention, if you kill me now, before I die, I'll tell EVERYONE about your little, erm, _secret_. You don't want me to do that now, would you?" Itachi paled even more, if that was possible and ran straight toward his bedroom. Which he noticed he now didn't have so he glared at Dei and went out the front door. Kimi sighed as water splashed Itachi and he yelped.

"We need to get rid of our ghosts, or else we may…CONTINUE TO SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE EVIL PINK FAIRIES OF DOOOOM!!" she yelled, putting her hands to her head and posing a 'panic-stricken-Gai.

**SOMEWHERE ELSE FAR AWAY IN THE MAGICAL KINGDOM OF…STUFF:**

"I KNEW she would come on to us someday!! Quickly men!! Grab the pizza dust and sprinkle it over our victims so we can erase their memories!!" yelled Orochimaru in a pink dress. Kabuto and Sasuke sweat dropped, as they were dressed in similar things, only theirs resembled ballerina outfits…

"Er, Oroch-" Orochimaru glared at Kabuto.

"Listen, when we are in out invincible outfits of pink, you are from now on you are Princess Bunny, Sasuke is Princess Cupcake, and I am Queen Glitter! Now, what were you saying, Princess Bunny?" asked Oro, I mean _Queen Glitter_ to Princess Bunny. He sighed lightly.

"Queen, we don't have any more pizza dust. Erm, it appears as if some our erm, servants have eaten it all," Kabuto grimaced, "Milady. **(don't know if this is how you say it)**" Queen Glitter frowned

"Who, may I ask has eaten all our wondrous pizza dust, Princess?" Kabuto grimaced. If he had known he would have to do this shit, he would never have went with Orochimaru…

"Erm, the culprits seem to have gotten away with it. Even our," Kabuto again grimaced, "Top five Ladies haven't found anything."

"What do you have to say on this matter, Princess Cupcake?" Sasuke glared at his teacup and muffin. Damnit, you would rather make out with a shark then this. Damnit, if he had know Orochimaru was THIS fucked up in the head, he would have stayed in Konoha where there are slightly less insane peoples over there! But noooo, he had to go with Orochimaru!! Damnit! He would make Itachi pay for what he is doing.

In the most feminine voice he could muster, for if he didn't, Orochimaru would stop his training for one week, he replied, "Why, I do think it's horrendous, Your Highness." suddenly, Sakon/Ukon busted into the room.

"Queen Glitter!! All of our glitter has been stolen!!" Orochimaru gasped, while Sasuke and Kabuto sighed in relief as he charged out of the room to the scene of the crime. Quietly, someone came out of the shadows.

"Thanks for getting us out of that, Suigetsu! I owe ya one." the figure chuckled.

"Just make sure you hold our end of the deal…_Princess Cupcake_." with that, Suigetsu disappeared and Sasuke stared seething. Quickly, Kabuto grabbed his arm and led him out of the evil room. The room dubbed, "Headquarters of the Fairy Queen and two Princesses" or as Sasuke and Kabuto called it, "The Pink Room Of Doom"…

**BACK AT THE AKATSUKI BASE:**

Everyone stared at the screen and blinked once. Twice. Three times the charm…Ok, four times…Now five…All right this is getting annoying! Books were thrown at all their heads and they snapped out of it.

"Ok, this is the weirdest day…of my entire life…" Itachi said as he tried to get the image of Orochimaru in a pink dress and tiara with glitter, make-up, sequins, and other stuff out of his head. Others nodded quickly in agreement. Oh, this was just one day of many, my friends…

**SOMEWHERE ELSE FAR, FAR, AWAY:**

"Ok, brilliant for that!! I give a 100/10! Genius!" said one girl to the other. The other nodded.

"Yes, I always knew they had secret meetings for that!" the two laughed as they re-watched the whole day. Yes, today was another annoying day for the Akatsuki and another day for freaking them out, and another fairy meeting for Sound. And it will continue to get worse…

"Ok, what's with the ending?" popped a girl out of thin air.

"Alice! What are you doing?" asked Jess.

"No, what are you and Cat doing? Isn't it about time to finish?"

"B-but! I gotta write more!!"

"No, you don't, Jessica Lian! The ending makes it sound like the ending of a movie, and you have to finish homework because, if you forgot, TOMMORROW IS SCHOOL!" suddenly, another figure popped in.

"Hey, would you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to watch a movie!" said a dude.

"BRIAN!! Get outta here!! This is my room!" Jess yelled.

"MOM!! JESSICA IS TRYING TO HIT ME!!"

"NO I DIDN'T, MOTHER!! BRIAN IS IN MY ROOM WITHOUT PERMISSION!! Brian, go play with Sarah or someone!! Leave me alone!!" suddenly another figure popped in. "OMG!! IT'S AIZEN!! KILL HIM!!" another figure… "OMG!! IT'S ANKO!!" another figure, "OMG!! IT'S…BRIAN!! I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF MY ROOM! ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE!! GOSH!! How the HELL did ya all get in here!!"

"Um…idk my bff Jill?" asked Jake.

"Alright, everyone except Alice, Cat, and Jake, GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

"MOOOOOM!! JESSICA SAID A BAD WOOOOOORD!!"

"IT WAS IN SELF DEFENSE!!"

"Oh, that's good dear…"

"MOM!! ARE YOU AND DAD DOING YOGA AGAIN!!"

"……."

"…….."

"…..Damnit….."

"CAN EVERYONE GET OUT!! MY ROOM WAS NOT MEANT TO HOLD EVERY NARUTO AND BLEACH CHARACTER AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS DAMNIT!!" yelled Jess as her poor room suddenly became crowded with every Naruto/Bleach character possible. Including some pissed off Sound and Akatsuki members… "uh oh…RUN PEOPLES!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!"

"DAMNIT!! JESS!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!! KEEP THROWING BOOKS AT US!!"

"SHE MADE ME LOOK LIKE I HAD PISSED MY PANTS!!"

"CAT KEPT POKING ME!!"

"PUT ME IN A PINK DRESS!"

"SHE CALLED ME QUEEN GLITTER!!"

"IT'S BETTER THEN PRINCESS CUPCAKE!!"

"PRINCESS BUNNY IS THE WORST!!"

"GET HER!!" it was then, that Cat, Alice, Jake, and Jess were chased all the way to the end of the forest where they all hid from the angry, scary peoples for a whole week!

**Alice: Ok, what the hell?**

**Me: Eh, I'm late on both stories, and I still gots some homework to do. **

**Jake: If you had done it when you got home Friday, you wouldn't have to rush right now!!**

**Me: But, I don't want to do Algebra or History!!**

**Alice: Get over it! Now finish this story, finish TD and finish your homework before you get detention!! Teachers are really cracking down now on the no homework thing, ya know!!**

**Me:…I know…Meanies…**

**Jake: -whispers to Alice- Does she mean us or the school?**

**Alice: -shrugs- Well, just review and sorry for the wait, as Jess would put since she's to bust ranting right now…-sweat drops as Jess holds a knife and laughs manically-**

**Jake: Hoped you liked this chappie since Jess hasn't gotten any "Brain-fuel" in like, three days…**

**Me: -stops ranting and glares- IT'S YOUR FAULT, SAM!! I SHOULD TELL EVERYONE YOUR NAME SINCE YOU YELLED OUT THAT I WAS MOUNTAIN DEW ADDICTED!!**

**Sam: It wasn't me!! It was Taylor!! Can't you tell my voice from a girl's!!**

**Me:…Nope!! No difference at all! Sat-**

**Sam: AL RIGHT!! I'LL TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU'RE NOT MOUNTAIN DEW ADDICTED AND IT WAS A JOKE!! JUST DON'T SAY MY NAME!!**

**Me: Better.**

**Alice: Sat is the beginning of your name? Then what's Sam for?**

**Me: It's the closest to Sam. S and then the A for Sat-. S and then A for sam. Not to mention that M and T are close together too!**

**Jake: All right, can we just end this madness? **

**Me: YESH! AND ONCE AGAIN!! THANK YOUS C.N.A for coming tonight!!**

**C.N.A: It was my pleasure!! Thank you for letting me annoy Deidara!**

**Me: No prob!! Deidara is so fun to tease!**

**Cat: yes, he is!! But, at the end, did we get tortured by the angry people?**

**Me:…Nope!! But we, or more say Bri and I, made them even angrier. So now, we have to run. Uh oh...I think I hear them now!! QUICK! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!**


	4. Chaos, Kidnap, and TWISTER!

**Me: BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**

**Alice: O.O We gots an evil chappie today!**

**Me: Yesh! And it's all thanks to kyome-kitty!! She will be our guest today and she has thought up of a purely evil and fun way to torture the Akatsuki!! In fact, she will be our guest today!! Please welcome, kyome-kitty!!**

**KY: Hello!! I'm glad to be here!!**

**Me: And I'm glad you're here too!! So far, you have reviewed for every chapter and for both stories!! THANK YOUS!! -hugs kyome-kitty-**

**KY: And Thank You for letting me be in the story for this chapter!! I can't wait to torture Kimi and Kyuu-chan!!**

**Me: This will be good!! Oh yesh, before we forget, Kisame!!**

**Kisame: Hey, what the! OMG!! IT'S YOU!! Wth am I doing here!! Didn't you have your fun with us in your other story??**

**Me:…nope!! Don't worry, just a simple dissy!**

**Kisame: -suspicious eyes- Fine. Once again I say that Jess does not own any of us…She wouldn't be smart enough for it…**

**Me:…-glares- HEY!! WE GOTS OURSELVES A LIVE BLUE SHARK!! IT'S A BIG ONE ALRIGHT!!**

**Kisa: -sees fishermen- WTFH!! RUN AWAY!!**

**Alice: -snickers- ya know, I really think Kisa is kinda right! -sees glare- But you ARE smart!!**

**Me: Whatevs…**

**KY: -sweat drops- Can we start the story?**

**Me: OH YESH!! Sorrys bout that!! STARTING OF THE STORY WILL BE RIGHT NOW!!**

Kimi sighed. It was another boring day, but at least the past events were making them interesting…but also annoying. Seriously, she will kill whoever is doing this stuff to them…She sighed again and decided to let out Kyuubi. Once he was out she decided to also let out Amaya. Sometimes their arguments were entertaining…She sighed as they started at her. Deidara walked in and laughed.

"Jeez, you turning emo or something? You have been sighing all day! Hey Kyuu, Amaya." they nodded toward his direction and waved. Kimi groaned.

"It's so BORING! When are we gonna get a mission?!" suddenly Pain came in with a scroll.

"WE GOTS OUSELVES A MISSION!!" suddenly he got smacked upside the head.

"It's not a mission, you idiot!! It's a recipe." Kimi excitement faded away and she screamed.

"I'M GONNA KILL THE NEXT PERSON WHO TRIES TO TALK TO ME!!" nobody spoke. Instead they slowly and cautiously backed away toward the safe zone. Suddenly, they disappeared and Kimi sat back down on the couch.

**SOMWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW:**

Jessica looked at kyome-kitty and nodded.

"Invisible no Jutsu!" they said at the same time. They then went to go capture their victims.

**BACK ON THE OTHER END OF THE RAINBOW:**

Kimi felt something was wrong and now couldn't get rid of her paranoia. She looked around the room and suddenly ended up unconscious. Kyuubi and Amaya, who was also in the room, jumped up when they suddenly saw Kimi floating unconsciously. Suddenly Kyuu is knocked unconscious and Amaya is left alone as the two suddenly disappeared. Amaya shrugged and grabbed the remote.

"**Scare Tactics, here I come!"** she then laughed evilly as people were scared by the show people. Maybe she should try some of these on Kyuubi?

**SOME UNKNOWN ROOM(THE ROOM WHERE HIDAN WAS TORTURED):**

Kimi blinked as she woke up. Where the heck was she? She looked around and suddenly, someone she despised, she hated, she _loathed,_ started singing the song every teen fears and hates.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too? Let's sing again now!" Kimi paled. This was absolute, _**pure**_ hell. She. Was. Going. To. DIE! She screamed and tried to get up, finding she couldn't. She screamed obscenities at the poor air and she heard giggling. She tried to look behind her, as it seemed the giggling was coming from over there, but she couldn't move.

**BEHIND KIMI:**

Kyuubi paled as two girls started to put random make-up on him. He sweat dropped as one girl took out some mascara.

"**H-hey now! Damnit! I'm a guy and I don't do make-up!! Listen, I am the great, all feared Kyuubi! DAMNIT!! Why can't I move?!" **

"Because, silly, you're paralyzed! And we KNOW you're the Kyuubi no Kitsune! That's why this will be all the more sweeter and fun!" said KY.

"Yep! Not to mention you are also gonna watch a very…erm…_lovely_ movie tonight!!" exclaimed Jessica. Kyuubi paled as he saw Barney, the purple bastard dinosaur. He paled even more as he started singing the most horrible song known to man. He tried to move away from the torture and the song, but he was still paralyzed. He closed his eyes shut, trying to get the horrible torture out of his head.

"I wonder how Kimi is doing?" asked KY. Jessie shrugged.

"Let's see, shall we?"

**BACK TO KIMI:**

Kimi was currently banging her head against the floor, trying to knock herself out. Unfortunelty for her, the authoress didn't feel like letting her go that easily.

"Dang it! Go unconscious already!" she cried as the Barney song once again played for the 50th time. Suddenly, she heard screams behind her and she shook her head. "I'm going insane! I'm going insane! Insane!!" she laughed to herself wildly. But then cried out as more Barney songs played.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I'VE DONE TO YOU!! JUST STOP THIS SONG!!" she heard more giggling and sighed. She was NOT getting out of this anytime soon…

**BACK BEHIND KIMI: **

Kyuubi had more make-up on his face now and his nails were painted a _pretty, sparkly, hot_, _pink._ He could NOT take any more torture and started to growl.

"**MAKE THE STUPID SONG STOP NOW!!" **

**OTHER PARTS OF THE AKATSUKI BASE**

Everyone heard the screaming but didn't know where it was coming from. Deciding to get back to their game, Sasori cursed as he realized as he just lost his arm.

"Damnit, I need to stop betting body parts!" Deidara snickered.

"At least you can make new limbs, eh Pinocchio? Now hand over the limb!" demanded Kakuzu, who held out his hand. Sasori cursed once more. Suddenly, more screaming was heard and Kisame paled.

"I TOLD you guys this place was haunted!! Didn't I Tobi?" the orange masked nin nodded.

"Yes, I strictly remember Kisame running around in his heart boxers screaming that the 'ghosts were coming, The ghosts were coming!'" Tobi smirked but no one could see it. Kisame glared but paled more when the screaming started again. Amaya was just about to put down some matches that would beat Tobi's hand but a gust of wind blew throughout the base, and took away her cards. She cried and started saying how she was about to beat Tobi and how he was going to take off his mask. Tobi smirked again and laughed out loud.

"Silly, Amaya, no one can beat me at Gold Fish!"

**BACK TOWARD THE UNFORTUNATE DUO:**

Kimi sighed. The annoying song has ended. But, she now had another problem. SHE HAD THE STUPID SONG STUCK IN HER HEAD!! She grabbed her head and started mumbling curses and how her head hurt, when suddenly, she realized she could move. She jumped up with glee and yelled, "YIPPIE!!" when she heard cough behind her. She froze and saw Kyuubi and when she did, she started to laugh.

"Ky-Kyuu! Haha!! What, you trying to get a new look for Amaya, huh?" he blushed.

"**Just get me out of this dress, will ya?" **Kimi snickered. Kyuubi was in his human form, and in a red hot dress, that slowly dimmed down to an orange, thus making it look like a sunset. Claws were painted hot pink that had red smiley faces on them, pink lipstick, red glitter at the end of his eyes, and red eye shadow. Not to mention the mascara and other stuff that just made Kyuu look even more feminine. She laughed as she picked up Kyuubi and suddenly both disappeared.

**OTHER ROOM WITH AKATSUKI PLAYING TWISTER:**

"HAHA!! Tobi, left foot blue!" Tobi grimaced as he knew that if he tried to move his foot, he would lose the game and would have to take off his mask. Not good idea… He was about to move his foot, or make an excuse, when suddenly Kimi and Kyuubi appeared and fell on top of the pile. Sasori grimaced as everyone but him was crushed under the two. Kyuubi was in a large fox shape, which only made him confused as to why he was wearing a dress.

"**KYUUBI! GET THE FUCK OFF ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR SO HELP ME I'LL CASTRATE YOU SLOWLY WITH A RUSTING SPOON!"** screamed Amaya. Kyuu groaned as he got slowly up and grabbed his head before changing his body back to his human form since One: He didn't like wearing a dress in his Fox Form, and Two: He didn't like being in his Fox Form when he didn't change in the first place. Amaya glared at Kyuubi and he chuckled.

"**It wasn't my fault! We were kidnapped by these strange girls!"** he wasn't heard since everyone started laughing when they saw what happened to him. Even Kimi started cracking up again! Kyuubi growled and disappeared in a puff of smoke back to his comfy little home in Kimi's mind.

"**T-That w-w-was PERFECT!!"** yelled Amaya. Everyone agreed and started laughing when Kimi held out a camera.

"Blackmail…" was all she said and they all cracked up again, forgetting that Kimi and Kyuubi were both kidnapped and forced through unspeakable torture.

**TWO HOURS LATER:**

Kimi sat up as she just realized something! She just saved hundreds of dollars on her insurance by switching to Geico! Naw, that wasn't it...She sat back down and then right away sat back up. She just ate some purple pizza!! Wait, that wasn'tit either. This went on for about seven minutes. Some of the members watching her thought about taking her to an asylum. In fact, just when Hidan went to punch in the numbers, Kimi jumped up(for the fiftieth time and yelled out, "EUREKA!! I gots it!! i just now realized that Kyuu and I were kidnapped and were forced to listen to the most horrible song known to mankind!!" everyone else looked at her dumbly.

"You just now realized that?" she nodded.

"Well, I noticed it when I was first kidnapped, but when I saw Kyuu, I completely forgot! Can you believe that!" Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, even Tobi all stared at her. Deidara started to whistle and walk away, Itachi shook his head, Hidan kept staring and Tobi had this to say:

"Even I'M not that dumb!!" which of course made Deidara laugh out loud. However, they were soon running for their dear lives because Kimi came running at them with an anger that screamed "I'M GONNA KEEEEEEEEEL YOU!!"

In fact..."I'M GONNA SKIN YOU TWO ALIVE AND POP YOU INTO A POT OF BOILING WATER!!" screamed Kimi. Of course, she didn't catch them, but she did cool down a little. She then forgot something really important. She shrugged and went back to go and watch the others play Twister...Moves! Yeah, Twister moves! Anyway, Itachi won by using Mangekyo on their asses! However, Deidara retaliated by blowing Itachi's mat, thus, making Deidara the ACTUAL winner. However, Sasori retaliated by making everyone stop moving with his strings. Becoming the REAL winner. However, Kakuzu knocked everyone down, becoming the NOW real winner...But Hidan REALLY won by getting blood on the other mats, thus making it slippery. Kisame then caused everyone to jump off their mats after he raised Samahada and started to go crazy with it, laughing like a maniac and became the REAL, REAL, winner. Then Zetsu became the real winner by..er...throwing a pizza at everyone's face! However, Tobi ducked and threw pudding back at Zetsu, becoming the Ultimate Winner. However, Pain soon stepped in and was claimed the winner because he's cool like that...and because he wanted to win. However, Konan became the REAL, Real, ULTIMATE winner because she was Pain's girlfriend and could boss him around...So that's that.

**Me: BLACKMAIL ROX DUDES!! Especially when you use it to get what you want! Hey, Sam! Go get me another full bottle of Mountain Dew…AND make it SNAPPY!**

**Sam: Oh alright! Fine, jeez you are a very horrible person, Jess!**

**Me: -grins- I knows!! Oh YESH! Thank yous again for coming in, kyome-kitty!! That was an awesome idea and I could never of thought of it myself!! YOU'RE A GENIUS!!**

**Alice: -agrees- Now, please read and review!! Oh, and thanks for reading!!**

**Me: Yesh!! Hey, I thought I said a FULL Mountain Dew!**

**Sam: -carrying in half a glass- No you didn't…**

**Me: Yes. Yes I did!! I'm gonna tell everyone your real name if you don't get me a full glass!**

**Sam: ALRIGHT!! JEESH!! -runs back to kitchen only to fall but not spill Mountain Dew as it miraculously hangs in the air…not really, it spilled…-**

**Me:……………NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!! IT DIDN'T EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO LIVE!!**

**Alice: We will have to get back to you guys later…JESS!! DO NOT KILL SAM!! I SAID NO!! JESS!!**

**We are currently having technical difficulties. Please have a nice day…-crashes and screaming/cursing in the background-**

**Jake and KY: O.O**


	5. Mall of America

**Me: Dudes, I will now be forever known in High School as the Girl Who Fainted At Lunch…Not cool…Dude, that was like, embarrassing!!!**

**Alice: Hey, our readers wasn't even here when you fainted!! Tell them what happened!!**

**Me:…Do I have to?**

**Jake: It's a pretty funny story actually…I'll say it if you don't want to!**

**Me: You just LOVE to shout out my weaknesses, don't you?**

**Jake: -shrugs and then grins- Ok, so what happened at lunch today was actually pretty simple!! Jess went to go use the restroom-**

**Me: THAT MAKES IT SOUND EVEN WORSE **_**AND**_** MORE EMBARRASSING!!!! JAAAAAAAAKE!!**

**Jake: It's alright! Well, apparently, Jess had 'accidentally' slammed her head on a desk when we received test grades in Algebra. She got a D+ by the way!**

**Me: HEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! They don't need to know how dumb I am in Algebra!!!**

**Jake: -completely ignores crazy girlfriend- Also add to that the way she has been TOTALLY stressed out by grades! The only A's she has is in English and Art!!! I think in Nutrition and Wellness too, but I'm not sure about that teacher. He's a little looney…Anywho!! So poor Jess was stressed enough, add to that her fear of seeing blood. Jess had slammed her middle and index finger in the stall door! Hard enough to make them bleed. Poor Jess saw the blood and bumped her head (again) when getting out of the bathroom because she was starting to loose consciousness! She fainted on her way outside the bathroom and in the bathroom! Then Bri had saw her, ran to get a teacher, who got the nurse, who got the wheelchair. Poor Jess fainted twice and they got the wheelchair out and wheeled her to the Nurse's Office in front of EVERYBODY.**

**Jess: -busy glaring at Jake to write- It is NOT funny!!! If I had the ability to speak, think, or move, I would have jumped out of the chair saying I was fine!!! Now everyone is asking me, "Are you alright? What mad you faint? Did you take drugs!!?? Is that why you fainted!!?Are you sick? Are you going to die? What happened? Are you alright? You want me to carry your books for you? (at that request I did say I was still feeling woozy and let them carry my books! XP Boy I hope no one at my school reads this)" It was a never-ending series of questions!!!! Hey, Bri, I can take over from here….I'm done glaring at Jake…**

**Alice: -sweat drops- Wow…that musta been annoying…**

**Jake: -rubs spot where Jess hit him- Did ya have to hit me?!**

**Me: -sticks out tongue- Yes! As a matter of fact I did!**

**Jake: -rolls eyes- Whatever…-goes to annoying Jess's childish behavior- So, who does the dissy?**

**Me:…WHOEVER IS THE NEXT TO WALK THROUGH THE DOOR!!!! **

**Orochimaru: I was wondering when you would say that…**

**Me: AHHHH It's Orochi-chan!!!!......I am pissed off at Jake right now so…You can take him!! –grins evilly at Jake who pales-**

**Jake: TRAITOR!!! AHHHHH!!! Get your pale ass snake like freaky long arms OFF me damn it!!!!! Shit!!! Jessica!!!!**

**Me: -ignores Jake- So, I'll go ahead and start the story…**

**Alice: -rolls eyes at both Jess and Jake- I'm gonna go save Jake…I just need to capture one bratty Uchiha…Hey, Nami was last seen trying to capture him, right? And she's also a fangirl of Orochi-chan right? I think, I know a way to save Jake…**

**Me: Whatever…**

**Jake: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Ah!!!!! GET THAT FUCKING TONGUE AWAY FROM ME!!!!**

**Me: He so deserves it…**

Well, today was a very special day today! _Very _special indeed…Pain and Konan had decided to take their depressed (and terrified) members to one place EVERYONE is happy…The Mall Of America…It had it's own amusement park, so many food courts, not to mention the shopping!!!

"Woohoo!!! We are going SHOPPING!!! Yes!!! Hot Topic, music stores, candy stores, game stores, clothes, jewelry, shoes, SHOPPING!!!!" shouted Kimi. Deidara grinned also, while Kakuzu groaned.

"Arg, it's just another way to loose money…" he grumbled. Kimi grinned.

"Oh I think you'll change your mind about shopping after we get to Mall of America…Not to mention, they have SO many food courts AND roller coasters, oh dear God-"

"Jashin" interrupted Hidan.

"-Oh dear Jashin, I think I'm gonna faint!" to which Kimi did. Sasori sighed.

"Do we HAVE to go. Today was gonna be a lazy day and I really don't feel like travelling all the way over to America just to shop and all that other crap…"

"Fuck that shit!! We're gonna fucking shop! Anyway, I need some more fucking gel and music. So, are we ready to fucking leave yet?" asked Hidan in all his swearing glory. Pain and Konan nodded.

"Yes, wake up Kimi and we shall go." And wake up Kimi they did. Dei, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, and Konan grabbed five buckets of ice cold water with ice in it, and flung it on Kimi. She awoke with a gasp and started shaking. She glared at her friends and mom.

"D-d-da-damn i-i-it a-a-a-all! I-i-i-i-I'm g-g-gonna g-ge-get yo-y-you ba-b-ac-back f-f-f-for t-th-tha-that!" she chattered through shaking teeth. She glared harder when they all started laughing. "S-S-SH-SHUT T-TH-TH-THE F-F-F-F-F-FU-FUCK U-UP!"

"What the fuck ever, dudes, we need to get to this fucking mall already damn it!" swore Hidan. Pain nodded.

"Agreed. The quicker we get there, the quicker we can…well, you'll see." With that, the leader of Akatsuki stepped out the front door. Deidara picked up Kimi and slung her over his shoulders. Outside their mansion was a long black limo. Kimi squealed, but it sounded weird because her teeth was still clicking together. Deidara, Hidan, and Konan laughed. Kimi glared. Everyone stared. Anywho, let's have a time skip shall we?

**SOME HOURS L8ER:**

"OH DEAR GOD!!! I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!! I'M GONNA LIVE HERE FOREVER!!!!" screamed Kimi, kneeling before the gigantic mall. She got a few stares from passing strangers, but she didn't mind. She would just kill them later. Hidan shook his head in wonder.

"Who the hell would want to build a fucking mall so enormous? And put _roller coasters_ into the picture? I mean, damn!" he stated and everyone else but Kimi nodded.

"God, or Jashin, would build a mall this big. This, this is my HOME!!!" she shouted before running towards the mall.

"HEY!!! BUDDY SYSTEM NOW!!! Oh God damnit, we lost her." Pain sighed and went forward into the mall and followed the crazies.

Everyone, except Kimi who left on her own, went into groups.

Group 1: Pain, Tobi, and Zetsu  
G2: Itachi, Kakuzu, and Konan  
G4: Dei, Sasori, Hidan, and Kisame.

G1 decided to go to a candy store because Tobi wouldn't stop asking, G2 went to a beauty store cause Konan said so, and G4 went to an art supplies store because Saso said he would turn into puppets if they disagreed an Dei would blow them up. No one knows where G3 went; she was MITM- missing in the mall.

G1:

"Does he ever shut up? Gods, I feel like the father of a two year old!" cried Pain as Tobi dragged them from candy store to toy store to candy store to game store and the cycle repeats itself. Zetsu shrugged. They had only been in here for ten minutes and already they had destroyed over half the candy stores, toy stores, and stolen some games. Faintly, they could hear screams of panic and an explosion.

"Looks like Deidara and Sasori are at an art store…" Zetsu stated calmly. Pain stared at him as _once again_ they were dragged to a candy store. Tobi ran around the store grabbing lots of candy before grabbing their arms and running away.

"How the _**HELL**_ can you be so calm!?" he shouted at the plant-like man. Zetsu shrugged.

"I guess because I know what will happen after all this." Pain stared. Zetsu said nothing else about what will happen. Pain gave up on it and decided to sneak away. However, Tobi caught him, grabbed a cage, and now, Pain was being dragged everywhere while in a cage. It was embarrassing.

G2:

The terrifying trio decided to, unlike G1, take their time. They finally came to the nearest beauty store and Konan squealed at all the products. She quickly rushed to the make-up section, then rushed to the hair section, and so on. She grabbed the stuff she wanted, put it all on the counter and glared at the clerks lady.

"Hello! Can you like, hurry up please?" the clerks lady stuttered.

"I'm trying!! Please don't ask me questions!! And stop STARING at me!!!!" the lady put a paper bag over her head and crouched down so she hid behind the counter. Ita, Kuzu, and Konan all just stared before Konan put her items in a bag and walked off without paying. She WAS going to kill the lady and take the stuff, but that girl was messed up without her help. She happily skipped out of the store with Itachi and Kakuzu following behind her.

G4:

Like you had read earlier, Sasori and Deidara were causing havoc at all art stores they saw. Kisame and hidan were even used to the routine now. Here's what the two lunatic artists did. They saw an art store, go in it, find what they want, try it out, blow people up, use his puppets to kill people to try out the wood material, and so on. If the store did not have good material, Deidara blew it up and Sasori terrorized people with his puppets. It was pretty funny actually. Two people were running away from them and ran into each other so hard, they knocked each other unconscious. My how that was funny. Anyway, onto the next store.

**RANDOM MALL POPO(COP)**

"All security policemen out there, come in. We have a chaotic couple terrorizing all art stores, a blue haired lady stealing from beauty stores, and a crazy lunatic on the loose and is causing havoc at all candy stores, toy stores, games stores, what the fuck ever. Damn it! This is the same old routine everyday! And you know what!? FUCK YOU BOB!!! I saw you cheating on me with that cherry cake!!! How could you!! NO! I don't want no fuckin apology!!! Go back to your fucking cherry cake!!! I hope someone eats her on your wedding day!!!! FUCK YOU!!! I'M GONNA SACRIFICE YOU TO JASHIN IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" the cop raised an eyebrow. What the hell…Who the hell is Jashin? And cheating on his girlfriend with a _cake_? There were some messed up people in this world. Shaking his head, he talked into the walkie talkie.

"Come in, Cheesecake, this is Mountain Dew. I will catch the crazy lunatics before they cause any harm." Instead of replying, all he heard was a man scream, something wet splash on the floor and someone sitting on a chair.

"Thank you, Mountain Dew. I will gladly get back to you after I kill my _ex_-fiancé." My screams and the line went dead.

"What. The. HELL? That's it, I QUIT! I can't work in this asylum anymore!!!" with that, Mountain Dew tore off his badge and stomped out of the mall. So now, when one guy said he was going to get rid of the crazies and the chick on the other line thought he was, now no one knows who will get rid if the crazies…Did that make any sense? Didn't think so!

With Kimi:

"Yes!!! Let's get that!! And this!! And that! Oooh!! Pretty and shiny!!! Oh my Jashin!!!" there, Kimi stopped before the entrance to the theme park. She sneaked in. Sneaked on the rides. Stole a few things. Stole cotton candy, man she was having the time of her life right now. Yes siree. She was having so much fun, she ran into which group? You guessed it!! G4!!! She ran into them right as Dei just blew up another store.

"You'd think they would have better art supplies, yeah!" said Dei as he sulked to Sasori. Kimi giggled.

"Hi guys!!ARE YOU HAVING FUN!?!" Dei grinned.

"Kimi-chan!! Will you help us find some good art supplies, yeah?" Kimi sighed.

"Guys, this mall is in America!! There are no ninja villages here!! They won't have anything for you!!!" she scolded as Sasori and Dei blinked.

"Oh…Well, why didn't they say so, yeah? That could've avoided a lot of panic!!" Dei sighed and looked at Kimi. "What else is there to do? You know what I'm gonna go find a hair-" he was interrupted by a loud and jolly laugh.

"Hohoho!! Merry Christmas!!! Hohoho!!" (I don't know about you, but mall Santas are SO annoying) Kimi and G4 looked around and then they saw what made all teens want to grab an axe and hide start slashing……………Santa Claus………

**IN JESS'S ROOM:**

"What the hell? Santa Claus? Jess, you have finally snapped my friend…" said Jake as he starred at the screen.

"What? Hey, I gots a list on em'. He's always happy. He eats your food. He has weapons of mass destruction –kids toys-. He comes into your house easily. He carries around a duffle bag. He loves children. Sounds like a fat Michael Jackson to me, except he likes both genders." Jess explained.

"Ah, now I see. Well, I guess that IS a reason to be terrified of Santa…" Jake muttered.

"Yes!! So, I'm preparing for Christmas!!! I'm gonna have noise makers in my room, poisoned darts will be aimed at my door and window, and I will scatter marbles on my floor…And if my little siblings walk in, that's a plus. Wait, if Santa kidnaps all my brothers and sisters, that's SUPER plus!!!" Alice rolled her eyes and glared at Jess. She then pointed at the screen.

"You. Write. Now! Angry readers WILL attack!! Not to mention you have to update TD after this!" Jess paled and started typing.

**NOW, BACK TO THE STORY:**

"OH MY JASHIN!!! IT'S THE KIDNAPPER!!!" with that Kimi and G4 started to attack the mall Santa. Attacking the real Santa would have been better, but he was currently planning his next night of kidnapping.

G2:

"What the hell? Is that Kimi?" asked Itachi. Kakuzu shivered.

"Oh yes, I recognize that insane laughter anywhere." Konan laughed at Kakuzu.

"Well! Let's go find them then! Oh, did you guys get what you wanted?" Kuzu and Ita sighed and nodded. Truth be told, Konan took them to all the beauty shops so they had to make clones to go get them stuff. It was crazy, just crazy.

G1:

"Oh! Tobi hears Kimi making someone scream!! Let's go join her!!!" Pain nodded smiling. He had long since lost his sanity by now. So the three of them went and skipped happily down the mall, going to find G3!

Back with G4 and 3:

"DIE YOU EVIL CHILD KIDNAPPER!!! I BET YOU ARE RELATED TO OROCHIMARU!!!! NO, I KNOW IT!!!! TAKE OFF YOUR MASK, YOU EVIL VILLAIN!!!!" with that, Kimi took to grabbing the mall Santa's face and trying to pull off a mask. Deidara was busy blowing up Santa's chair and domain, while the remaining three sane people watched, amused.

"Hey!! Tobi was right!! It IS Kimi trying to kill someone!!! Wait, isn't that…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK, AWAY!!!" with that, Tobi joined in the 'kill Santa' fight. Pain was standing, not moving, and grinning. Zetsu was trying to get Pain back to his normal self. Konan came unto the scene and immediately cracked up laughing while Itachi and Kakuzu gaped in horror.

"Shouldn't you both have tried to stop them!! It's only a mall Santa for crying out loud!" Itachi exclaimed. With that, he went to go pry Kimi and Tobi off, while Kakuzu went to go calm down Deidara. However, he almost got blown up in the process, and Itachi almost got massacred. With that, the two left the area to go get some tranquilizers. The others, besides Pain and the three murdering Santa, watched them go, and then shrugged.

"Hey, does anyone know where the popcorn stand is?" asked Hidan and Sasori pointed at a destroyed stand. "Never the fuck mind, I'll just watch this show without any fucking food." He said before he got impaled with a knife. "HEY! Watch where you fucking throw those damn kunai! Fucking idiots…" he muttered before dodging another kunai.

It was all chaos. Nobody but the Akatsuki could be seen or heard. That was, until they were suddenly surrounded by the SWAT team, the FBI, CSI, the army, the National Guard, the Marines, the Navy, the mall cops, the REAL popo, and a doughnut salesmen…ya know, for the police and other people. Anywho, they all surrounded the crazies.

"CRAZIES!!! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!! AND LEAVE THAT POOR MALL SANTA ALONE!!! HE IS NOT, I REPEAT, IS _**NOT**_ THE REAL SANTA! NOW, SURRENDER PEACEFULLY AND WE WILL RETURN YOU BACK TO THE WILD." Said one dude. Let's call him…Dude 1.

"YEAH, COME UP WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!! ANYTHING YOU SAY OR DO OR THINK WILL BE..UH…I FORGET, BUT IT'S REALLY MEAN!!!" said another dude. He will be Dude Another.

"You ain't takin us alive, bozos!!! I don't what you say, This guy wants to be Santa, that's the Numbah 1 crime in my books!!!" cried out Kimi before punching the mall Santa unconscious.

"Who wants doughnuts?" said the doughnut dude. We shall call him Dude Doughnut. Kimi looked at him, before looking at Dei, who looked at her, before looked at DD, who looked like he was about to shit his pants and piss them at the same time, then Dei looked at Tobi, who looked at Kimi, who looked at Dei, who looked at DD, who DID crap and pee his pants, and then Dei blew him up, only to miss and blow up the doughnut stand. Which made DD run away and the armed people stare at the three crazies.

"NO!!!!!!! THE DOUGHNUT STAND IS GONE!!! I WILL AVENGE YOU, MY SWEETS!!" said one crazy cop-hey! They let crazies join the police force too!- before shooting wildly everywhere.

Itachi and Kakuzu came back, shot everyone with a tranquilizer gun, and they both dragged their friends away before anyone could get anymore crazy.

**Me: Wow, that was purely random…And for the record, I have never been to the Mall of America guys, though I want to SO badly. So I made up stores…and the roller coasters rides…wait I didn't name anything did I? I DO know it has stores, and I DO know it has roller coasters in it, I think a theme park entirely…yesh, I want to go there so badly…**

**Jake and Alice: O.O and O.o**

**Jake: Poor mall Santa…**

**Alice: I knew she hated him, but THIS much?**

**Me: SANTA IS OROCHIMARU'S RELATIVE!!!! I FUCKING SWEAR IT!!! AND HE IS MICHEAL JACKSON'S NUMBAH 1 FAN!!!!**

**Jake: Alice…**

**Alice: Tranq gun, I know…-leaves then comes back with tranq gun- Here…**

**Jake: -takes gun and shoots me- She's gonna be pissed off at me…**

**Jess: -twitches- must…kill…jake…wake…Kyuubi….awww…dei…mountain dew…Akatsuki…cotton candy…love…**

**Alice: She's insane…where's the nearest asylum…**

**Jake: -shrugs- Idk…Can we stop talking now and leave before she kills us in our sleep? **

**Alice: Yes, by the way, we started this story two weeks ago, and Jess was to lazy to write it again until now. But that was only because today is Thanksgiving and I dragged her ass from the table to the computer. So, yeah!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!**


	6. Deidara and SasoriPart 1

**Me: Heylo! What's everyone up to? Hey guess what? TODAY IS NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!! What are you guys are doin tonight?**

**Jake and Alice: Being forced to come over to your house…I'm shocked we don't have bedrooms here.**

**Me: You do have bedrooms here…**

**Alice and Jake: o.O**

**Me: Yeah, we turned the two bedrooms for grandma and grandpa into your guys bedrooms. Mom figured that since you guys are here all the time that she'd turn those two rooms into your rooms! Granma and Grandpa aren't gonna be using them anytime soon!**

**Jake and Alice: -twitch twitch…twitch…twitch twitch-**

**Me: Haha! You guys are shocked! Anyway, Gaara will do the dissy. I've become obsessed with him more than usual these days…**

**Gaara: DAMMIT! WHY DOES KAMI HATE ME SO MUCH!!!!! –coughs- Erm, what do you want Jess?**

**Me: O.O Uh…I was just gonna ask you to do the dissy…**

**Gaara: Jes-**

**Me: And for you to sing What It Takes. –snickers-**

**Gaara: -eye twitches- Jess doesn't own any of the Naruto characters. You would know if she did. If would turn into something little kiddies shouldn't watch.**

**Me: Now, SING! –hands Gaara a microphone-**

**Gaara: This is a story where you torture the Akatsuki characters, NOT me! Why not ask…-smirk- Deidara to sing this?**

**Me: -brightens up- YES! Excellent idea my dear Watson. DEIDARA!!!**

**Deidara: What, un?**

**Me: I was gonna make Gaara sing this but he suggested you instead so I was like, not a bad idea!! Sing What It Takes!**

**Dei: -twitch- Damn you Gaara…damn you to a life of no cookies, yeah…**

**Gaara: -smiles- Which will never happens! –turns chibi- I'm gonna go get some Cookie Ramen now! –skips out-**

**Deidara: -twitch before singing What it Takes-**

**Me: AWESOME!! You have the perfect girl voi-er… I'll shut up.**

**Dei: Yes, you better shut up, hm…-smirks-**

**Me: Oh shiizznats! Gotta go! –runs for the Hills-**

Kisame and Kimi snickered as Deidara walked into the room. They just managed to back off when Deidara tripped a wire and pink glitter dust settled everywhere. Deidara didn't bother to open his eyes and he stopped whistling. He wiped the dust off his face but that didn't stop his face from being glittery and sparkly.

"Kimi…" Deidara said warningly.

"And Kisame!" the said girl yipped out happily. The said blue man nudged her in the side with her elbow. Deidara opened his eyes and glared at them.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, UN!!" Kimi and Kisame then ran for their lives to get away from the angry pink glitter person known as Deidara.

"You have to catch us first!" Kimi yelled back before bumping into Pein. "Oh heylo tou-sama, Kisa-chan and I are trying to get away Dei-chan. Will you distract him, please?" Pein went to look away but got caught up in the deadly jutsu known as the Puppy Eye no Jutsu. He sighed.

"Fine. Hurry up and get along." Deidara came crashing through the hallways and ran into…PEIN! "Are you chasing my daughter, Deidara?" Deidara started to stutter out responses but none of them were audible. Pein smiled, his eyes turning into n's. "Have fun." He then walked away.

"TRAITOR!!!" yelled Kimi before running again. Deidara chased after her voice and found her and Kisame in Itachi's room with the said man reading a book.

"Deidara, you look very lovely today. A new look?" Itachi said smirking. Deidara growled.

"Shut up, Itachi and hand them over." Itachi's smirk stayed in place.

"Oh yeah? What will you do about it, Deidara?" he asked. This time, it was Dei's turn to smirk.

"I'll show everyone a picture of you and you-know-who doing you-know-what, hmmm." Itachi frowned.

"You said you wouldn't!" Dei grinned.

"Blackmail is a seriously awesome thing, Ita-chan, un." Itachi put the book down and nodded to Kimi and Kisame.

"You better run for your lives." Kisame and Kimi gaped at him before taking Itachi's advise. Deidara smirked one more time at Itachi before chasing after them. Itachi sighed before getting back to his book, Icha Icha Make Out tactics: Extreme.

'_Jiraiya-sama is a perverted genius!'_ Itachi thought before getting back to the book.

Back with the running duo and their chaser. Deidara grabbed a hold of Kimi's shirt and pulled her back.

"I got you!! Now I just need to go get Kisame, yeah." He tied Kimi to a chair using double knots, triple knots, the sailor's knot, all kinds of knots. He was very good at them. He put a sign to Kimi that said:

Anyone untie this brat, I got dirt on you all, un.

Kimi glared at Deidara.

"I will so get payback!" Deidara grinned.

"And thus, the cycle begins anew, un. I'll be back!" he giggled before skipping after Kisame.

TWO HOURS LATER:

"DAMN IT DEIDARA!!! STOP IT! OW! THAT'S MY EAR!! LET GO, LET GO, LET GO!!!" thus, Deidara was seen pulling Kisame by the ear towards where Kimi sat, still tied to the chair and sleeping.

"Kimi…Kimi…Kimi wake up, un…KIMI WAKE UP!" Kimi screamed, jumping but the rope held her back so then, she ended up tilting the chair back. Kisame and Deidara stared for a second before laughing. Deidara began to get crippled from laughter and Kisame was on the floor, rolling. Kimi groaned.

"Shut the fuck up, guys! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…This hurts…Help me up!" Kisame and Deidara snickered some more before finally helping the poor girl up. You guys are SO gonna get it! Owowowowowowowowowoowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowoowowowwowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowoowwowow!!!! That hurt!" she growled out, rubbing her poor head. Once again, the two people snickered but stopped once they saw Kimi glaring.

"Ok, so what do you wanna do now, un? I'm bored." Said Deidara, completely forgetting the fact that he was supposed to be torturing Kisame and Kimi.

"I don't know…Hey, wanna go visit your twin?" asked Kisame. Deeidara glared.

"She's. Not. My. TWIN. UN!" he said. Kimi smirked.

"But I have the papers right here. They say that you and Ino are in fact twins!" Sasori stopped by, read the papers and snickered.

"They're real all right. Deidara, you and Ino are in fact twins!" he said before going to work on puppets.

"Damn it all, I thought we got past this stuff in chapter one, yeah!" Deidara yelled, grabbing his hair.

"Hey, whatev. I'm gonna go torture…Sasori!! Kay, I'm gonna need ketchup, a knife, glitter, and blue paint. Ooh!! Maybe Hidan and Tobi would like to help!" Deidara and Kisame backed away from the cackling girl and ran away. When she is in one of her _moods_, it's best to stay away. They quickly ran to their rooms and prayed for Sasori.

**Me: This one is short, but hey. It's New Year's Eve and my mom wants to play some games with the family. Dear god, I don't wanna play with my little sibs…They are annoying pests that need to be taught a few lessons…-cackles maniacally- Maybe these games won't be so bad after all. **

**Jake and Alice: We might as well join since our families are all here, also. **

**Matt: Hey, Mommy said to get your butts down there or she'll force you down. She's in her party mood again…**

**Me: Dear god, save us all. Matt, tell Mommy I'll be down in a second, ok?**

**Matt: -nods- **

**Me: He's the rare, unannoying one. He's pretty kool. **

**Mom: JESSICA, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE OR I'LL DRAG YOU DOWN THE STAIRS!!!**

**Me: -pales- COMING!! LET ME FINISH!!**

**Mom: HURRY UP! WE'RE PLAYING MONOPOLY!!**

**Me: …T.T Why us, dear God save us…**

**Jake and Alice: Us?**

**Me: You're playing, willingly or not!**

**Jake and Alice: damn…**

**All three of us: HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!**

**Me: NO! MERRY NEW YEAR'S!!!**

**Alice: whatever...**

**Mom: JESSICA! **


End file.
